


lose yourself

by mizzymouse



Series: Randland University (College AU) [2]
Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Clubbing, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Bar, Gen, Gender Identity, Identity Issues, Multi, Polyamory, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 17:55:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10645047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizzymouse/pseuds/mizzymouse
Summary: Talmanes wants to go out clubbing. Mat learns some things about his friends and himself.





	lose yourself

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you're all enjoying this college au stuff. These aren't posted in chronological order, so this is set before the other two I've posted recently.  
> See the series information page for background information on this college au.

It was Talmanes’s idea, surprisingly. The man had grown up in such a conservative place that Mat had just assumed he was completely oblivious and a little sexually repressed. So it came as a total shock when he asked if Mat would accompany him on a night out clubbing. 

“What, seriously? You? At a club? Talmanes… there’s loud music there, and a lot of alcohol. And dancing. _Sexual_ dancing.” Mat looked up from the textbook he was reading to arch an eyebrow and make suggestive eye contact with his friend. 

“I know! I’m not _that_ sheltered, Mat. I’ve watched movies, I’ve just never actually been to a club,” Talmanes said sheepishly. A notebook full of neat, crowded script was sitting open on his lap, abandoned for the moment. 

“Seeing something in a movie and experiencing it yourself are two very different things.”

“You go out clubbing all the time.”

“Not _all_ the time. Only occasionally.” Mat lifted the book back up and feigned greater interest in the text than the conversation. 

“Clubbing, partying, gambling. Horse races, too. I’m surprised you have enough time left for homework.”

“Okay, okay, I get it. Fine. If it’ll stop you from bothering me when I _do_ want to get my homework done, I’ll go with you Saturday night.”

“King’s Lancer?”

“The gay bar?” Mat met Talmanes’ expectant look with an incredulous one. “Oh, right, right, of course a gay bar.”

“What do you mean by that, huh?”

“I mean you’re gay, Talmanes.”

* * *

 _This place has good choices for their dollar wells. Good music, too. I should come to gay clubs more often._ Mat had found a comfortable place at the end of the bar where he could keep an eye on Talmanes, sip something fruity from a clear plastic cup, and survey the room. It was still rather early and the crowd was just beginning to fill in. Talmanes was a few paces away from the bar, leaning against a pillar and holding a plastic cup of his own. And talking to a number of muscular young men in various stages of half-dress. 

Between the strobe lights and frantic movement, it was hard to pick out individual faces among the people dancing. There was steady traffic to and from the bar itself. Mat was a little bit of an outlier, just standing at the edge of the room. In most other clubs he had been to, it was normal to have a collection of people just loitering along the wall, for whatever reason not dancing or mingling. But here even the people loitering were loitering in small groups, leaning close to talk in each others’ ears and avoid having to shout so loudly. Even with the music there was a steady din of conversation filling the room. Nobody had made a move to approach Mat, but he supposed his body language communicated a desire to be left alone. It wasn’t that he was anxious, he just wasn’t there to mingle. He was there to keep an eye on his naive friend and make sure he didn’t get drunk or hurt. 

His phone buzzed, screen lighting up. It was a text from Min.

is that you? over by the bar (10:46pm)

Looking around, through the blue and purple flashing lights, Mat did spot Min. She was waving at him, and he raised a hand in acknowledgement. _Are those… Elayne and Aviendha she’s with? They’ve been spending a lot of time together lately. Didn’t know they came here._ She said something to the other two women and made her way through the crowd quickly towards Mat. Once she got to him, she leaned in so they could speak more easily. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you went to other clubs.”

“Talmanes,” Mat said, gesturing towards him. He had moved on to the edge of the dance floor, still surrounded by a group of guys. “This was his idea. It’s his first time going out. I’m just the chaperone tonight.”

“Well,” she chuckled, “he seems to be having a good time.”

“Yeah, well.” Mat took a sip from his drink to avoid making a better response. “What are you doing here? Are Elayne and Aviendha with you?”

“Of course they are. We’re dancing, Mat. It’s what you do on Saturday nights.”

“The three of you have been spending an awful lot of time together lately. And Rand. Working on a class project or something?”

She just stared at him blankly. 

“What?”

“You’re really oblivious to some things, Mat. We haven’t made an effort to keep anything a secret.”

“Keep _what_ a secret?”

“I suppose we could have just told you, but there didn’t seem to be a point. We all thought you already knew.”

“Knew _what_ , Min?”

“Perrin figured it out immediately, and I thought he was the one too busy to notice the people around him.”

“Stop dancing around whatever it is, Min, and just tell me already!”

She leaned back and crossed her arms, giving him a knowing look. He met her gaze, then looked over to where Elayne and Aviendha were, still out on the floor dancing. _They’re dancing with each other, Min was dancing with them. The three of them have been at my apartment a lot, lately. Come to think of it, they’ve been there in the_ mornings _a lot. Usually hanging out with Rand when he’s not too busy studying, and with each other when he is. Why would they all…_

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“You’re all dating each other.”

“I can barely believe it took you this long to figure out.”

“Hey, I’ve been busy with my own stuff lately, I haven’t had a whole lot of time to think about how many girlfriends my roommate has. Or if all his girlfriends are also dating.”

“If you’re done having your mind blown, I’m going to go back to dancing with my girlfriends now. You should mingle a little. Get another drink if you want. I’ll keep an eye on Talmanes, too, and between all of us he’ll be fine.”

“Thanks. I’ll think about it.”

“Think fast. Dollar wells end in a few minutes.” She gave him a pat on the shoulder and walked back into the crowd. 

After a short pause, Mat downed the drink in his hand, waved over the bartender, and ordered a double. 

* * *

_Fuck. Why am I so uncomfortable?_

Mat had spent the last hour making increasingly anxious and awkward efforts at mingling and dancing. Actually drinking instead of nursing that first rum and juice hadn’t helped matters much. Talmanes was indeed having a good time, dancing with a steady rotation of attractive men. 

But Mat would approach someone, or someone would approach him, and they would dance for a while, until Mat got an unavoidable urge to leave. True, he had never felt completely _comfortable_ in other clubs, but he had never felt this uncomfortable. There were always strangers, people who looked at him like he didn’t belong, the unfortunate but unavoidable risks that came with drinking in a club. It wasn’t that he hadn’t considered who he might be attracted to. Thinking about it and actually interacting with people were two very different things. 

Actually interacting with attractive, friendly, and most definitely queer strangers was an altogether new experience.

Somehow he had drifted over to where Min, Elayne, and Aviendha were dancing. They let him into their little circle pulled him close so they could talk.

“Mat, what’s wrong? You’re not supposed to be upset, you’re supposed to be having fun.” Elayne looked concerned, and she glanced at Min. The other woman shrugged.

“Talmanes is fine, I’ve been watching out for him.” Min nodded to where the man was standing, talking with a small group of people. 

“I’m not worried about him, he seems to be doing pretty well for himself.”

“What is it, then?” Aviendha asked, giving him a similarly concerned look.

“I’m just… confused.” He took a sip from his cup and picked at his shirt with his free hand. “There are a lot of hot guys here.”

The women mumbled in agreement, nodding their heads.

“And some really attractive, really androgynous people.”

They made the same nods. 

“But I’m not sure if I, uh, want to be _with_ them, or, you know, if I want to _be_ them.”

This time, the noises of agreement were mixed with laughter, particularly from Min.

“I can’t say I’m surprised, and you’re fine. We understand. Take some time to figure these things out.” Min grabbed his shoulder and gave him reassuring look. “Go have fun, though. Talmanes shouldn’t be the only one of you having a good time. Maybe don’t drink any more tonight. Drinking and having an identity crisis don’t work well together.” She took the cup from his hand and swallowed the rest of it to prove her point. 

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you guys in the morning?”

They all gave him affirmative answers and pushed him out of their circle. And back into the crush of dancing bodies.


End file.
